I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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