did you get engaged???
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
