this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need to stop coming to work sober
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
