It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
