Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she looked like the before picture.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
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I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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