So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
