Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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