I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
