Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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