So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize