Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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