I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
