fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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