im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
