I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
