that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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