Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
