You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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