they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
