she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
