when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
