Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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