i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
