i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
