Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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