We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
