I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
