Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
