Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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