We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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