i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
