If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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