Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have to summon your inner elephant
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
