From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
