Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
