Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
