I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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