Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
