Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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