i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
