So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
