Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
