Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
