How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
