I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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