I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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