I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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