i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
