Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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