I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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