Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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