I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
