I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
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I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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