Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
