The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
