no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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