your parents love me but you hate me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
