sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
