how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
