you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
