im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
