i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
