I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
