You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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