Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
