Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
