So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
