did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
