it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
