I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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