I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
