My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
