i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
