i jhust puked up my retainher.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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