"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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