if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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