I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
