Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're so committed to being not committed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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