Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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